Mardi Gras: It’s All About Sex, Baby

Girls will do anything (and everything) for beads on Fat Tuesday

Sorry friends, but I’m a little late to the rodeo this year. However, given that Mardi Gras actually occurred a mere two days ago (and Mardi Gras celebrations are still, in fact, occurring) I think we can all agree that it’s still a topical subject. I’m not going to insult your intelligence and tell you that you can find love on Fat Tuesday (so called because it’s the last night of eating fatty boom batty foods before fasting for Lent) in New Orleans. Though I’m sure there are a few exceptions, Mardi Gras has become all about getting drunk, making bad decisions, and showing your ta-tas (or genitalia) for purple, green and gold beads that you’re probably going to toss in the old ‘el garbage the next day.

It’s kind of unfortunate, too, because NOLA is one of the most beautiful, magical cities in the world. Aside from the fact that they serve deep-fried everything and sometimes even put alligator meat on a stick, the city is utterly enchanting. There’s no other way for me to wax on and off about it without sounding slightly lame, because if New Orleans were a man, I would be in love with it. Maybe I am anyway.

You’ve got the Garden District — a genteel, moneyed area that was setting for Anne Rice’s Mayfair witches novels — and Magazine Street, a shopaholic’s paradise. Then there’s the alcoholic’s playground of Bourbon Street — home to most of the Mardi Gras festivities — and the French Quarter, where one can imagine doing dark, sexy deeds…with vampires (or Brangelina, who lived there during Brad’s hands-on-something-besides-Angie humanitarian days).

Since we’ve established that Mardi Gras ain’t the time to be looking for romance — though it is a time to be making love (albeit the sloppy drunk kind) — I’m going to list a few of the city’s sexiest spots. Yes, this list is edited, whittled down and substantially abbreviated, because unless you’re drinking a Hurricane or Hand Grenade midday on Bourbon Street and can’t see four feet in front of you anyway, everywhere is going to look good: that’s beauty of NOLA.

Where To Drink

Arnaud's French 75

Arnaud’s French 75

Arnaud’s is an upscale, 1920′s-style restaurant/bar that’s so elegant you’ll feel as if you’ve stepped back in time. Have a cigar with one of the intricately mixed cocktails apres your Creole dinner of turtle soup; you won’t regret it.
813 Bienville St., 504.523.5433

Lafitte's Blacksmith Shop

Lafitte’s Blacksmith Shop

Lafitte’s is my favorite bar in the entire world (the runner up is the original Nag’s Head on Kinnerton St. in Knightsbridge, London). Built in 1772, it is lit only by candles and firelight and is the one Bourbon St. bar that really embraces the romanticism of the French Quarter. There’s something for everyone here: a garden bar, a beer garden (yup, there’s both!) and a piano player inside. Bonus: it’s also reportedly haunted, which can become a handy excuse if you drink too much. It wasn’t me, I swear. The spirit slipped something in my drink!
941 Bourbon Street, (504) 593-9761

Napoleon House

Napoleon House

If you want a bar that’s dark, quiet and sultry, the Napoleon House is the spot. It’s for a bit of an older crowd — or a good spot to get to know the guy you met in your hotel lobby (how convenient) as the atmosphere is sexy and the music — mostly classical or jazz — isn’t overpowering.

500 Chartres Street, (504) 522-4152

Where To Eat

Oak

Oak

This sophisticated and sexy tapas bar blends typical Creole food with a modern palette. Try treats like a salad with spiced pecans, ryal’s cheddar with a satsuma vinaigrette or a crispy duck rillette with twice fried plantains, avocado and a tamarind-orange glaze. Plus, live musicians play everything from jazz to funk on a nightly basis. You can’t lose!

8118 Oak St. (504) 302-1485

Martinique Bistro

Martinique Bistro

This French bistro is heavy on fish and serves up its entrees in a sexy, outdoor garden. There are flowers and fountains all around — a great place to get in the mood (for love etc.).

5908 Magazine St., (504) 891-8495

The Bombay Club

Bombay Club

The Bombay Club is a fancy affair, located right in the midst of the French Quarter. It’s dark, mysterious, and the clientele is upscale: the men are usually required to wear jackets. The Nouveau Creole cuisine has won awards from the likes of Travel and Leisure Magazine, Zagat and local NOLA reviewers for dishes like The Bombay Drum — pan fried Gulf drum, Lyonnaisse potato, sautéed crabmeat, grilled asparagus and sauce béarnaise — and Eggplant Stuffed Shrimp Creole — jumbo shrimp stuffed with eggplant dressing served with shrimp and andouille Creole sauce and crispy popcorn rice.

830 Conti St., (504) 586-0972,

Cafe Degas

Cafe Degas

Cafe Degas sits in a stunning setting, the food is rich and the wine is flowing. The Prince Edward Island Mussels are to die for.

3127 Esplanade Ave, (504) 945-5635

What To Do

Come nighttime you’re going to want to be inside — and not just between the sheets, either. Check out the aforementioned restaurants and bars, but also check out sites like Jackson Square, or take a sunset/moonlit stroll along the Moonwalk by the Mississippi River. Taking the Canal Street Streetcar at night is a good way of avoiding the drunks and still seeing the famous area come nighttime (which, by day, is a whole hell of a lot less glamorous). You’ll definitely want to head to Frenchman St. as well, which is known for its many jazz and blues clubs. Pirate Alley is also a cool side-trip to take, as is the St. Louis Cemetery #1, which is meant to be a hotbed for vampires (though sadly, I’m sure none look remotely like Edward Cullen or Louis de Pointe du Lac).